I carry you in my heart and pray that God will give you the grace to see, to know and to understand. It is a gift. For some it just comes; others have to ask for the gift; others neither seek nor want the gift. Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth and the life.” He also said: “Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for your selves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light.” Matthew 11.
You are right. Existing is not living, and I am glad that you want to live again. Jesus said that he came to bring you life and to bring it more abundantly.
You were created out of great love by God and made in his image. He created all of us with a great vacuum in our souls and hearts, an emptiness, a loneliness and great longing that only he can fill. If we do not surrender to the mercy and love of God, then we will go through life in this state, ever longing, ever incomplete. Some try to fill the holes with alcohol, drugs, sex, a marriage partner, success, money, fame and fortune, but it never works. We need God to be the ground of our being.
Our surrender to God will not take away sorrows and sufferings, losses and broken dreams, but we will have a purpose greater than all things of this earth. We will have the God of All Comfort and Love walking by our sides as we walk through the trials of this life. He will give us the strength and consolation needed. We will believe that separation from loved ones though death is only temporary and that spiritually, we remain of one heart and mind even though absent from each other in body.
(Written for all who suffer, especially from the loss of a loved one.)
The Way of the Soul's Desire 