Archive for the ‘Grief’ Category

I Carry You In My Heart   2 comments

I carry you in my heart and pray that God will give you the grace to see, to know and to understand.  It is a gift.  For some it just comes; others have to ask for the gift; others neither seek nor want the gift.  Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth and the life.”  He also said:  “Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for your selves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light.” Matthew 11.

You are right.  Existing is not living, and I am glad that you want to live again.  Jesus said that he came to bring you life and to bring it more abundantly.

You were created out of great love by God and made in his image.  He created all of us with a great vacuum in our souls and hearts, an emptiness, a loneliness and great longing that only he can fill.  If we do not surrender to the mercy and love of God, then we will go through life in this state, ever longing, ever incomplete.  Some try to fill the holes with alcohol, drugs, sex, a marriage partner, success, money, fame and fortune, but it never works.  We need God to be the ground of our being.

Our surrender to God will not take away sorrows and sufferings, losses and broken dreams, but we will have a purpose greater than all things of this earth.  We will have the God of All Comfort and Love walking by our sides as we walk through the trials of this life.  He will give us the strength and consolation needed.  We will believe that separation from loved ones though death is only temporary and that spiritually, we remain of one heart and mind even though absent from each other in body.

(Written for all who suffer, especially from the loss of a loved one.)

Prodigal Son - Rembrandt

Posted January 13, 2014 by ouidaofs in Conversion, Death of spouse, Grief, Jesus, Love, Mercy, Suffering

A Voice Was Heard in Ramah   Leave a comment

Today is the Feast of the Holy Innocents, when the children in Bethlehem were massacred by Herod.  There is such sorrow in this, made even more meaningful this year because two weeks ago there was the massacre of the Holy Innocents at Sandy Hook.  “Rachel” weeps for her children because they are no more.  There is no greater sorrow for parents than the death of a child.  May God heal the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds.

Gospel Mt 2:13-18

When the magi had departed, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream and said, “Rise, take the child and his mother, flee to Egypt, and stay there until I tell you. Herod is going to search for the child to destroy him.” Joseph rose and took the child and his mother by night and departed for Egypt. He stayed there until the death of Herod, that what the Lord had said through the prophet might be fulfilled,  Out of Egypt I called my son.

When Herod realized that he had been deceived by the magi,
he became furious.
He ordered the massacre of all the boys in Bethlehem and its vicinity two years old and under,
in accordance with the time he had ascertained from the magi.
Then was fulfilled what had been said through Jeremiah the prophet:

A voice was heard in Ramah,
sobbing and loud lamentation;
Rachel weeping for her children,
and she would not be consoled,
since they were no more.

Posted December 28, 2012 by ouidaofs in Grief, Jesus, Joseph, Mary

Then is Now   Leave a comment

A few days ago I had a car accident. It was a one-car accident. A bit of rain had sprinkled on the road – not much but enough. I made an exit from the interstate, braked and skidded, lost control of the car, crossed two lanes of traffic, plowed up lots of grass and came to a stop with much damage to the left front wheel and front underside of the car.

I am so grateful that no one else was hit and that I am not injured. The car is in the shop, I have a rental and today I am not as sore as yesterday.

My husband Tom passed away last May. I don’t feel able to handle so well anymore all that is dished out in my life now, such as this wreck. Life this second year without Tom is much more difficult than the first year.

I knew I would be lonely without him. We really had so much in common in our faith, values, beliefs, and love for similar things, in music, books and all that is beautiful. Early in the marriage, he was very controlling, but he became comfortable in my freedom, setting himself free in my freedom to be. I told him once that I have imagined coming home with him gone, and I cannot tell you the pain that ripped through my heart then. Then is now.

The Anima Christi
Soul of Christ, sanctify me
Body of Christ, save me
Blood of Christ, inebriate me
Water from Christ’s side, wash me
Passion of Christ, strengthen me
O good Jesus, hear me
Within Thy wounds hide me
Suffer me not to be separated from Thee
From the malicious enemy defend me
In the hour of my death call me
And bid me come unto Thee
That I may praise Thee with Thy saints
and with Thy angels
Forever and ever
Amen

Posted June 22, 2012 by ouidaofs in Death of spouse, Grief

Yet I Live   Leave a comment

When my husband passed away last spring, I had strange feelings which accompanied my grief. These feelings went on for the first few months, and I am sure they would have continued much longer and much stronger if we had been younger or if his death had not been preceded by many years of decline which prepared me or if I had not maintained a strong sense of self (a strong spiritual self) that was separate from him and our marriage.

This morning, during prayer and meditation, I had a sudden insight into understanding these feelings. The causes are very simple and obvious to me now.

When a spouse dies, the surviving one in the marriage not only loses a husband or wife, a best friend, and a companion, the remaining one also loses themselves and their identity. The person we were as a spouse, married to the one who has passed away, no longer exists. We grieve for the loss of two people: the one who has gone to God and ourselves who remain but are gone also because much of the context of who we were is gone. The couple dies with the one who passes. In this sense there are three deaths in our grief – our spouse, ourselves, and the marriage. We miss “us.” We miss and grieve for who we were and who we could have been.

This certainly accounts for the eerie feelings I had for so many months after my husband Tom passed away. It is somewhat like being on stage, before a huge audience, with no script and no role to play. Some of the questions one unconsciously poses to self are what do I do, what do I say, who am I? We begin to walk down a new road to find the answers to these questions and many more. This is the work before us to continue our lives. We walk alone but with God. There is no other way. Yet we live.

“. . . I have been crucified with Christ; yet I live, no longer I, but Christ lives in me; insofar as I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God who has loved me and given himself up for me.” Galatians 2:19b-20

“Eternal God, in whom mercy is endless and the treasury of compassion — inexhaustible, look kindly upon us and increase Your mercy in us, that in difficult moments we might not despair nor become despondent, but with great confidence submit ourselves to Your holy will, which is Love and Mercy itself.” (Closing prayer, Divine Mercy Chaplet)

Posted April 16, 2012 by ouidaofs in Death of spouse, Grief

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